selfconcept | purgastory >> inbox

[ He is... somewhere. Actually, Edamura will find a very familiar small pomchi puppy in the corner of an empty room in Purrfect Penance, under the bed and all that. He was probably busted because of the cats helping Edamura look for him. ]

[NO. . . THAT'S SO CUTE. . . Lotte definitely helped. led the charge, even. Edamura follows the gaggle of cats into the empty room, watching as Lotte slips underneath the bed to fetch Hien, mrowing in that concerned way only cats can]

[Edamura takes a seat on the ground next to the bed, settling a bowl of warm katsudon onto his lap as he waits for the pomchi to emerge]

[ ...

Hien the puppy slowly emerges from underneath the bed, shaking when he fully comes out. He sees the bowl of katsudon and does a little puppy sigh. ]

... Did you make that?

[Lotte slinks out with him, tail flicking as he begins to wash his face]

Yeah.

[Edmaura tilts his head and gives a slightly lopsided smile]

I think I'm a pretty decent cook. [not as confident in this area as he is coffee, but! the katsudon is pretty darn good] Though it's been a while since I've made katsudon.

[ Hien looks at it with his puppy eyes that almost seem longing. ]

... I hoped to fully enjoy your cooking, but right now, I can't.

[he thought that might happen. it didn't stop him from trying]

That's okay. I can always save this for later. Or if you're not ready for another day or so, make you an entirely new batch.

[the kitchen has plenty of ingredients!]

. . . do you mind if I pet you?

I don't mind.

[ His tail wags just slightly. Also did Edamura get healed from the river? Is his leg okay. Hien is gonna be staring at it. ]

[he did!! his leg is no longer bleeding, and he has changed into a spare outfit that is neither ripped nor ruined. he notes Hien staring, too. . . and raises a brow, reaching out to dig his fingers behind the pomchi's ears in a firm scritch]

I'm okay.

[HE ALMOST HAD A PANIC ATTCAK BUT IT WAS FINE. IT WAS FINE!!]

Tougher than I look, aren't I?

[he is trying to keep things light]

You really tried to wrestle a world eater.

[ Hien sounds slightly exasperated, but... he doesn't hate it. ]

Thanks, for helping out. You did good. You did your best.

[ He puts a paw on Edamura's leg. ]

[. . .]

[places the katsudon aside and scoops Hien into his lap, continuing those gentle ear scritches. they are soothing for him too, in the way that petting an animal helps with residual stress]

Yeah. I guess I did.

[it sounds so freakin' insane when Hien says it aloud. god. what the fuck was he thinking. he wasn't, actually! that was the problem. as always, when things get hectic, Edamura reacts on instinct. he doesn't think about the danger or the consequences of his actions. he just. . . does what feels right]

. . . felt like I had to do something. I knew it wouldn't be much, but I-- I dunno.

[a shrug]

I didn't want to leave you like that.

[ Hien is quiet and nestles on Edamura's lap. It's warm and he's comforted. ]

I won't scold you for that, since I'm assuming someone else already did that in my place.

[ ... ]

Remember when I was talking about my friend? And about the feeling I had in my hands?

[pomchi Hien makes everything better. also no one has scolded him yet, but he will not bring that up]

. . . yeah. I do.

[he winces slightly, running his fingers down pomchi Hien's back. Is it the same? he thinks, but does not ask aloud]

I killed you there, in that place.

[ One of the reasons for negative modifiers! Yippee! ]

Because I had a feeling that it wasn't you, but only someone that looked like you. Still... if I killed you, this one, while I was a monster, I think I wouldn't be able to eat for a while.

[oh]

[. . . oh]

[. . .]

[he thinks back to the banquet room. Hien's corpse cut right in half, spattered with blood, strewn out on the table alongside Ryuji. Laurent. his hand stills on Hien's back as he lets out a deep exhale, eyes slipping shut. this place. . . can truly be so cruel]

. . . but you didn't.

[he eventually says, voice quiet]

You didn't kill me. You heard me. . . and you stopped.

[and that means something, right?]

It was the concept of self part of me that lashed out, so I did. I'm really glad I was weakened to do much of anything.

[ All that. Not much.

ok ]

[OKAY]

If that was you while you were weakened, I wouldn't stand a chance against you at full strength. . .

[he'd be dead within seconds]

. . . how are you-- you know. Feeling? After all of that.

... I don't think I would ever want to unleash anything at my full strength on someone who doesn't have a chance of fighting back.

[ For multiple reasons. ]

I'm feeling mostly fine. I just wanted to distance myself from others, because I didn't want anyone to have a visceral reaction with my presence. All that happened... and I even killed someone. Of course that would be terrifying to most people. Me though... I can accept visitors at any time.

[. . .]

[he hugs pomchi Hien a little bit closer to his chest, pressing his nose against the top of that furry head. right between the ears]

That form. . . is that the form you would take if Memory and Life were to die. . .?

[is that how Hien would look, should his world-destroyer trigger be activated?]

Yeah.

[ His ears twitch a little, but calms eventually. ]

It is. I can access it by switching to "future mode".

[gently pats those ears. calm!!]

How do you feel about it? Does it. . . bother you?

[or is it just another piece of what makes Hien whole? a part of his "villainous" side?]

... It's also called the "future mode" because it's my inevitable future. I simply borrow it.

[ Does Edamura remember the little slumber party games? His answer? Particularly the last one?]

I've been dedicating a great portion of my existence to avoid that future like I said before. It bothers me, but I can't deny the convenience of it.

[HE SURE DOES. . . tbqh that is when he clocked that the shadow was Hien]

I don't want you to disappear, either.

[he says with a slow exhale]

I asked because. . . I remember you got upset when you felt like people expected you to be "good" all the time. I wondered if this was something similar. . . or if it was another thing entirely.

[ Hien stays quiet for a moment, thinking on what Edamura says. ]

... Can I turn back into a person?

Ah-- yeah. Of course.

[carefully placing Hien back on the ground so he does not SUDDENLY BECOME A PERSON in his lap. that would be awkward]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

1/2

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject