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[selfconcept]

HELLO

"..."

GOODBYE

TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION

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[selfconcept]

[ Tsukasa will find Hien as a small, black pomchi puppy. He tippy taps, sensing Tsukasa's presence, but he just paws at a cat's face instead in Purrfect Penance. ]

[aspirings]

[... Puppy???

He crouches next to said puppy, head tilting.]

Have you always been here?

[selfconcept]

It's me, Tsukasa.

[ Hien's regular voice coming out of this tiny ass puppy! (dmmd ren voice)

But he'll note that there is no static nor distortion. He sounds like a regular human male adult, but he's a puppy right now. ]

[aspirings]

[Okay well.

He squawks in surprise, flailing as he falls backwards on his ass.]

H-Hien?!

[selfconcept]

Yeah, it's me.

[ hewwo. Hien stays put where he is though, so that he can give Tsukasa control of the situation. He figures that seeing in his other forms would make him run away or feel sick, so. Puppy, it is. ]

[aspirings]

Ah...

[...!!!]

Ah!!

[He gets up to his hands and knees immediately, scrambling closer to peer at little doggy Hien.]

Are you okay?!

[selfconcept]

[ His tail wags a little. ]

"Yeah. I was more worried about everyone else, so I kept my distance."

[aspirings]

[... Oh.]

Because of what happened? But...

[... A slow breath in. Don't think about it too hard--the blood, the way everything had gone to chaos so quickly.]

... Surely you couldn't help what happened back there...

[selfconcept]

[ i keep forgetting when to use my quotation marks or not aaaaa ]

I lashed out because I lost my sense of self... and being who I am, it's incredibly important.

[ says username selfconcept ]

[aspirings]

[He's been told enough by now that that makes more sense than it doesn't.

He lost his sense of self, when that's entirely who and what he is.]

... Did you... lose that because of what you went through?

[selfconcept]

I saw some weird books in a room... and it felt like they were trying to erase my existence in a slow and painful way. I was more or less freaking out the entire time after that.

[aspirings]

[... That's so... cruel.]

... It really is like... these moments when we're lost deeper in the mazes are set up to target where we are most likely to be hurt.

[selfconcept]

... This wasn't the first time that I experienced something like it, but all occurrences were terrible. The only thing that's different this time is that I lashed out against people that I like.

[ The tail stops wagging. It droops. ]

[aspirings]

[... Oh no, not the drooping tail. It's Hien, but also, this is Hien as a dog...

Tsukasa finds himself reaching out to pet his head before he can really think about it.]

I'm even more certain now that it wasn't your fault. This isn't anything you would have ever done if you had a choice...!

[selfconcept]

[ He likes the petting, so he doesn't mind it. ]

It doesn't erase what I did, like the trauma and fear I probably instilled into you and the others.

[aspirings]

[Then he will continue the petting. It's a soothing motion for him, too.

Slowly, he takes a deep breath in. And then he sets his jaw, lifting his chin.]

... Yes, it was terrifying! [I've never seen--] Of course it was!

But Hien, I don't blame you for what happened in the least. And... and I wouldn't want you to blame yourself on my behalf either!

[selfconcept]

Mm. It's okay to admit that you're scared. I know it was scary.

[ Just to further encourage that line of thinking. ]

I'm not a very guilt-ridden person. If you say so, then I won't think much on it anymore.

[ ....... ]

... You're really brave, Tsukasa.

[aspirings]

[...

He's silent for a moment at that, expression complicated.

I don't feel particularly brave...

Two people died today, and even if they came back, it still happened. There was still absolutely nothing he could do about it. He couldn't even jump in there like Yosuke and the others did to try to help.]

... Well! We... have to keep moving forward, after all. There isn't anything for it but to keep putting our best foot forward, step by step.

[selfconcept]

While that's true, I hope you can give yourself some time to process through your thoughts and feelings.

[ Hien isn't particularly bothered about dying, but he knows other people are, so he'll just keep quiet about it. ]

[aspirings]

[Nnnghhh.

This is the first time he's really, really not wanted to do that in some time.]

I'll be okay. You really... I don't really think I'm the one you should be worrying about at a time like this!

[selfconcept]

... You're actually one of the people I'm worried about the most.

[ unfortunately, ]

[aspirings]

Wha--me?!

[At least he's able to be himself enough to be offended in this moment.]

Have I done something to make you feel as though I'm that unreliable?!

[selfconcept]

Tsukasa. Were you worried for me?

[ He's going to truck on with this. ]

[aspirings]

W-well, of course I was! You were dragged off deeper into the maze and badly wounded and then all of that happened--!

[He thinks he had very good reasons to be worried.]

[selfconcept]

But you didn't think I was unreliable, right? Because I had certain things surrounding my happenstance.

[ Tsukasa can worry all he wants. Hien won't stop him, and can't either. ]

I feel the same way. It's not about being unreliable. I worry because I don't want something worse to happen to you.