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[selfconcept]

HELLO

"..."

GOODBYE

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[selfconcept]

[ Okay!! Fia can catch him staring down at a memory. I can give you multiple mems if you want them and I'd be fine with it. ]

Memory! ver. charity

[ There's a guy who looks like a regular guy in his early twenties with mostly orange hair that faded into brown with a bit of black roots that start to grow. He looks normal, just your average university student. His eyes are normal--dark dark brown, almost black.

"Here. I hope this helps."

He's seen giving some money to a homeless person with a cardboard sign on their lap as they sit on a wheelchair.

The next day, he sees the same person again with the sign.

"Here. I hope this helps."

He gives them some more. They look delighted. They have a nice little chat and part ways. It's time for class, after all. He can't be held up.

The next day, he sees the same person, complaining of hunger. He asks him what they ate. In a moment of frustration, they blurt out that they spend it on cigs, because they can't handle living in this world and need to cope. Okay. That's fair, he thinks. He gives him some money again, because he wanted to make them feel better. Charity. They're in need. He has money. It's only right to give them some while they go through a hard time.

And again.

And again.

Back in the condo where he lives with his sister, she asks him during dinner that she makes for them once a week due to her busy scheduling--

"... You look like you're starving. Did something happen?"

He shakes his head no. Nothing happened. He's just helping. He wants to see them happy eventually. They'll just to wait out this hard time.

He gives his money to the homeless person who never tries to get better.

He gives his time to people who never keep their appointments.

He gives his affection to people who don't care about him.

He gives his effort to people who won't ever look his way.

He gives

     and gives

                   and gives.



Hyunjung Kang wonders what does he have left. ]

---

"Stupid."

[paenitete]

[ there he is... the man the myth the legend. bro your roots.

fia watches quietly until the memory ends. she's far enough that she can't hear anything but a murmur, but she can guess the word well enough from watching his lips.

she calls out: ]

Hien.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien looks up from the memory. It disappears from the reflection of the ice and he skates on over to Fia. ]

"Fiammetta. Hey. You look cold."

[paenitete]

[ she's searching his face, looking for similarities between this man and the one in his reflection. the eyes are different for sure... ]

You're not? I'm pretty sure it's this place doing something again.

[selfconcept]

"I think I'm dressed for the weather."

[ And he's naturally warm, so he doesn't feel too cold in particular.

It looks like they share the same face. They don't look so different physically, but the one in the memory made expressions. Hien usually doesn't. Hien's hair is short and black, and Hyunjung's is a little longer, but orange/brown/and a bit of black roots growing in. Maybe a younger brother sort of resemblance. ]

[paenitete]

[ i see i see... and so does fia.

she holds out two mittened hands, cupping them together a bit. ]

Do you mind if I see something?

[selfconcept]

"Go ahead."

[ He even rests his chin on both hands that Fia holds out like that meme.

? ]

[paenitete]

[ PUPPY!!!! she's stunned for a second. stomach fluttering, she closes her eyes and flushes. the cute aggression. ]

... I meant your hand.

[selfconcept]

[ Oh.

...

Hien raises his head and gives her his hand instead. Hello. His hands are warm. ]

[paenitete]

[ his chin was warm too.....

her heartbeat is a little louder. she closes her hands over his.

hien will feel how her fingers instantly, unnaturally warm up. she sighs through her nose. ]

Thought so.

[selfconcept]

[ Huh. Hien looks a little surprised. ]

"Heat powers? Or..."

[paenitete]

No... I don't think so, anyway. Remember how we could see and hear everyone's thoughts last week, and before that we felt how everyone was feeling? I think it's like that.

[ they want them to be close. she lets go of his hand. ]

Thanks.

[ she won't keep him, even if he's warm and cute. ]

...I couldn't help seeing your reflection just now. Sorry.

[selfconcept]

"It's fine."

[ He reaches out to hold Fia's hand again, because Hien is not immune to handholding propaganda. ]

"I don't mind if it's seen. It's just as I said before, right?"

[ Bleeding heart. ]

[paenitete]

[ oh... she keeps holding his hand then. maybe she should stand up? so she slowly stands. ]

So that was you. [ she figured. her hand tightens. ] Yeah, you were just like you said. Did anyone ever take care of you?

[selfconcept]

[ Hien doesn't mind standing, so when he sees Fia get up, he wonders if she has to go somewhere until he feels the hold tighten. ]

"Yup... before I became what I am now. What do you mean by take care of? I was living with my older sister at the time, but she was always busy. I had my friends. My childhood friends... people like that."

[paenitete]

[ it feels weird just sitting and holding hands!! ]

You were starving yourself. [ literally and figuratively. ] Your sister saw it, but did anyone step in to help you?

[selfconcept]

"I still ate, but not enough to cover my high daily energy needs. I did dancing as a hobby. I didn't tell anyone. The guy eventually stopped showing up, so I used the money to eat better meals after that."

[paenitete]

You were a dancer... Is that why you skate so well too?

[ maybe he's not an expert, but he's better than she could ever be. ]

You would've kept giving to him if he kept showing up, right? Hien...

[selfconcept]

"I'd say dancing and skating are two different things, since learning how to skate came much later than dancing and I really sucked at it in the beginning."

[ He has no pride, because he knows it takes forever for him to learn anything completely new. ]

"I probably would have, yeah. I was really stupid like that. I craved feeling useful or helpful towards anybody and I was affection starved. I was neglected by my parents because I was the useless kid who wasn't good at anything that would have helped him get a job and was terrible at academics."

[paenitete]

[ ...

looking pained, she reaches over for his other hand. ]

Did it ever get any better?

[selfconcept]

[ Hien lets Fia hold the other hand, equally warm. ]

"No. My childhood best friend got involved in some things and I wanted to help her. Then this guy came along and said that I could help. He tricked me, I died in front of my friend, and he used my soul for me to become what I am now with the help of someone else."

[paenitete]

[ what's worse than hearing hien speak about what happened to him is hearing no inflection in his voice, no waver of emotions.

he's ages old by now—must be, she thinks, from what she's learned. has it been so long that he's removed himself from the emotions tied to those moments? or is it something else?

she squeezes his warm hands. ]

He was the one who gave you the destruction trait.

[selfconcept]

"It was the person who helped him, but he might as well have been."

[ Hyunjung Kang learned how to Hate that day because of those two people.

He briefly squeezes her hands in return. ]

[paenitete]

[ she lets go, winds her arms around his shoulders, and brings him into her for a hug. checks if she needs to be on her toes... just a little bit. ]

I'm sorry, Hien. [ she squeezes tighter. ]

[selfconcept]

"... Don't be sorry about something that had nothing to do with you."

[ But he returns the hug anyway, because he likes them.

The ice reflects another memory... ]

Memory! ver. Greed

[ Hello, this man is named Renatus and he is here to terrorize again. This guy who's slightly taller than Hien with his short wavy blond hair and red right eye and left blue eye. He can be seen clinging onto Hien, who looks absolutely exhausted and exasperated with Renatus's very existence. They seem to be cuddling(? very one-sided) on some wasteland with gray dirt all around them. Hien is so bloody, but it looks like dried blood. There's also some blood on Renatus's face too. Hien's clothes are torn at some parts. Fia can probably piece together that Hien regenerated after being injured.

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon."

"Don't leave me. It's been forever since I've been able to see you again. We can't even be in most worlds together... but you won't even look at me when we're in this hub-like space?"

"Maybe if you stopped being like this, I wouldn't be so reluctant to spend time with you."

"But we're fellow monsters, Hien. Monsters don't have rights. We're both just something to be pitied and begging to be mercy killed. It's funny, since we can't even die properly."

"..."

"This has been the seventy-seven million, three hundred eighty-two thousand and two hundred fourteenth time that you tried to raise my child self. I'm so honored to have so much of your attention, even if you don't remember it. You keep trying to save me. That's cute."

"..............."

"And I foil it."

Renatus caresses Hien's face.

"Every."

The thumb gently rubs his cheek.

"Single."

He gets a small peck on the opposite cheek.

"Time.

Renatus laughs. Hien can't bring himself to feel anything.

"I love you." ]

---

[ ... ]