selfconcept | purgastory >> inbox

No... I don't think so, anyway. Remember how we could see and hear everyone's thoughts last week, and before that we felt how everyone was feeling? I think it's like that.

[ they want them to be close. she lets go of his hand. ]

Thanks.

[ she won't keep him, even if he's warm and cute. ]

...I couldn't help seeing your reflection just now. Sorry.

"It's fine."

[ He reaches out to hold Fia's hand again, because Hien is not immune to handholding propaganda. ]

"I don't mind if it's seen. It's just as I said before, right?"

[ Bleeding heart. ]

[ oh... she keeps holding his hand then. maybe she should stand up? so she slowly stands. ]

So that was you. [ she figured. her hand tightens. ] Yeah, you were just like you said. Did anyone ever take care of you?

[ Hien doesn't mind standing, so when he sees Fia get up, he wonders if she has to go somewhere until he feels the hold tighten. ]

"Yup... before I became what I am now. What do you mean by take care of? I was living with my older sister at the time, but she was always busy. I had my friends. My childhood friends... people like that."

[ it feels weird just sitting and holding hands!! ]

You were starving yourself. [ literally and figuratively. ] Your sister saw it, but did anyone step in to help you?

"I still ate, but not enough to cover my high daily energy needs. I did dancing as a hobby. I didn't tell anyone. The guy eventually stopped showing up, so I used the money to eat better meals after that."

You were a dancer... Is that why you skate so well too?

[ maybe he's not an expert, but he's better than she could ever be. ]

You would've kept giving to him if he kept showing up, right? Hien...

"I'd say dancing and skating are two different things, since learning how to skate came much later than dancing and I really sucked at it in the beginning."

[ He has no pride, because he knows it takes forever for him to learn anything completely new. ]

"I probably would have, yeah. I was really stupid like that. I craved feeling useful or helpful towards anybody and I was affection starved. I was neglected by my parents because I was the useless kid who wasn't good at anything that would have helped him get a job and was terrible at academics."

[ ...

looking pained, she reaches over for his other hand. ]

Did it ever get any better?

[ Hien lets Fia hold the other hand, equally warm. ]

"No. My childhood best friend got involved in some things and I wanted to help her. Then this guy came along and said that I could help. He tricked me, I died in front of my friend, and he used my soul for me to become what I am now with the help of someone else."

[ what's worse than hearing hien speak about what happened to him is hearing no inflection in his voice, no waver of emotions.

he's ages old by now—must be, she thinks, from what she's learned. has it been so long that he's removed himself from the emotions tied to those moments? or is it something else?

she squeezes his warm hands. ]

He was the one who gave you the destruction trait.

"It was the person who helped him, but he might as well have been."

[ Hyunjung Kang learned how to Hate that day because of those two people.

He briefly squeezes her hands in return. ]

[ she lets go, winds her arms around his shoulders, and brings him into her for a hug. checks if she needs to be on her toes... just a little bit. ]

I'm sorry, Hien. [ she squeezes tighter. ]

"... Don't be sorry about something that had nothing to do with you."

[ But he returns the hug anyway, because he likes them.

The ice reflects another memory... ]

Memory! ver. Greed

[ Hello, this man is named Renatus and he is here to terrorize again. This guy who's slightly taller than Hien with his short wavy blond hair and red right eye and left blue eye. He can be seen clinging onto Hien, who looks absolutely exhausted and exasperated with Renatus's very existence. They seem to be cuddling(? very one-sided) on some wasteland with gray dirt all around them. Hien is so bloody, but it looks like dried blood. There's also some blood on Renatus's face too. Hien's clothes are torn at some parts. Fia can probably piece together that Hien regenerated after being injured.

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon."

"Don't leave me. It's been forever since I've been able to see you again. We can't even be in most worlds together... but you won't even look at me when we're in this hub-like space?"

"Maybe if you stopped being like this, I wouldn't be so reluctant to spend time with you."

"But we're fellow monsters, Hien. Monsters don't have rights. We're both just something to be pitied and begging to be mercy killed. It's funny, since we can't even die properly."

"..."

"This has been the seventy-seven million, three hundred eighty-two thousand and two hundred fourteenth time that you tried to raise my child self. I'm so honored to have so much of your attention, even if you don't remember it. You keep trying to save me. That's cute."

"..............."

"And I foil it."

Renatus caresses Hien's face.

"Every."

The thumb gently rubs his cheek.

"Single."

He gets a small peck on the opposite cheek.

"Time.

Renatus laughs. Hien can't bring himself to feel anything.

"I love you." ]

[ ... ]

[ fiammetta opens her eyes and watches the memory play out over his shoulder.

then she lets go, setting her hands on his shoulders. she looks over his face with shock, half-expecting a burgundy spray of blood on his cheek. should she step away? she has no idea.

that answers her question about just how long he's lived for. ]

Who is that...?

Edited 2025-12-24 00:20 (UTC)

[ Hien is quiet. Some things aren't lining up in his memory and this is funny because I just remembered that Hien forgot his toxic yaoi this week. He frowns while looking off to the side. ]

"... I don't know. But he keeps being creepy at me for some reason."

[ ...? ]

You don't know...? But you've seen him before?

"He was in the, uh... 'expedition'. He kept touching my face and saying that he was waiting for me. Stabbed him enough times."

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