purgastory >> inbox

[selfconcept]

HELLO

"..."

GOODBYE

TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION

Comments

[selfconcept]

"It seems a lot happened while we were all away from each other, so don't be sorry."

[ Hien walks up to Lucien, closer, until he puts his hands on his shoulders lightly. ]

"But what you should be sorry for is trying to stay behind on that cursed island."

[lucentia]

[looks a bit like he's going to keel over. but also, blinks.]

... Huh?

[WHY ARE WE BRINGING THIS UP!! IT'S FINE!!!]

I was infected. If I had gone with you, and had things not ended then, I would've likely been a danger to you and Sylus.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien stares at Lucien. It's not some Overseer power pressure stare, but Lucien can tell that Hien would be Upset if he did that. ]

[lucentia]

[It's not like it's the first time I've had to...]

—I am sorry that it upset you, however. I didn't mean to hurt you.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien's expression relaxes and he quietly breathes out. ]

"Just know that it's how I feel too."

[ regarding this whole crashout and traumatizing lucien ]

[lucentia]

[...

there is the kind of stunned silence of someone who is definitely not used to hearing that, or thinking about his death(s) in any way except that he'd be letting down the people who invested in him, giving some shitty people the free pass to do as they'd like without him to stop them, and/or being a burden to the people who'd have to deal with the fallout of him dying. thinking about people being... emotionally upset??? about him dying is still a new one.]

Thank you, Hien. [he'd unfortunately still do it but he really is touched.] I'm very fortunate to know you.

[selfconcept]

[ Same hat, except it took way too long for Hien to internalize it, but he still thinks it's a pain to deal with personally. ]

"Then thank me by taking better care of yourself. If you don't, I'm gonna start carting you around in my arms instead."

[ boy, you look like you need it ]

[lucentia]

[It's a little too late for that... wait, what?]

Huh? [HUH???] Really, I'm fine. I'm just feeling a bit weak after coming out of the river.

[selfconcept]

"It's never too late as long as you're here and alive, Lucien."

[ So Hien picks him up in his arms like a bridal carry. Yippee. ]

[lucentia]

[anything he might've said or thought in response to that is overtaken by

?????]

H-Hien!?

[selfconcept]

"You're putting your body under stress when you should be resting. Unlike you, I'm fit as a fiddle or whatever."

[lucentia]

[give him a moment to recover from vertigo of sudden changed position...]

I-I'm used to it! [Even if it's not usually this bad...] I was worried about you!

[selfconcept]

"I'm worried about you too. C'mon. I'll take you back to the manor."

[ brb walking ]

[lucentia]

Hien, you don't need to carry me like this! And weren't you in the middle of eating!?

[selfconcept]

"I was just eating samples..."

[ They're not that important to him, but Lucien will learn why very soon: ]

"... I can't taste anything."

[lucentia]

[...

looks stricken because he knows how much hien loves to eat ): ]

[selfconcept]

[ He's so sad about it, but he also forgot about his one-sided toxic yaoi so you win some you lose some ]

"I know, right? Travesty."

[lucentia]

[hien your toxic yaoi]

... Let me know when it returns, and I'll cook something for you.

[and maybe it'll even be edible!!]

[selfconcept]

"I will. Thanks."

[ that survey meme about "i will protect and love and cherish it, i will tell all my neighbors about it, etc" is very hien right now ]

"Hey, Lucien... Do you regret your choices?"

[lucentia]

[hien......]

... My choices? Which ones?

[selfconcept]

[ Hien just stares at Lucien like "do you really need clarification for this because you have that much you regret???"

But he'll simply answer: ]

"In our... expedition, of some sort."

[lucentia]

[glances away because he can't say the things they were talking about earlier made lucien think about Other Things, that hien should probably never know for his own peace of mind, in which case there is a mixed bag of things he regrets and things he doesn't.]

Well... looking back, given that I was contaminated quite possibly as soon as we stepped foot on that island, there were certainly moments where I know now that my judgment had been altered.

[like, good thing sylus and hien didn't listen to him when he wanted to watch the fireworks to the end. damb.]

But I don't regret that we went back to try and save Rafayel, even if it didn't work out that way.

[selfconcept]

"Mm. Life just happens and sometimes, we're given the bad draw."

[ He's not too hung up about that. ]

"For some reason, I kept thinking about praying. I didn't even know who to pray to. Myself? That just sounds like some ego balloon waiting to be popped."

[lucentia]

I see. So I suppose we were all afflicted with strange impulses—I recall that I wanted to stay for the festivities, even though I think under normal circumstances, I would've declined, and I was obsessed with the fireworks for a while. And then I felt as though I should give Rafayel the coin I found, even though I had no idea what it was...

[...]

Did you have any... additional memories of the life you had in that expedition?

[selfconcept]

[ horseman.jpg

They were truly going through it. ]

"What do you mean...?"