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[selfconcept]

HELLO

"..."

GOODBYE

TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION

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[paenitete]

[ she comes over... can she lightly put a hand on his shoulder or nah ]

[selfconcept]

[ Fia can do whatever she wants.

Hien senses her presence, but doesn't react until she initiates it first. It's a way to give people control over the situation when he's largely been the offender of not giving that to anyone when he's a monster. ]

"Hey."

[ the way fia was also on the negative modifier list ]

[paenitete]

[ shakes what tf does that mean

once she makes contact, her touch is a little firmer. she looks at the clothing rack in front of him. sleep and food aren't necessary in purgatory, but she seems tired anyway. ]

Looking for something?

[selfconcept]

[ it means if you rolled 3 or lower, fia could have died if you wanted her to ]

"No. I'm just thinking. I don't mind being with everyone or seeing anyone, but I know it's not the same for the other way around."

[ He's used to killing and dying. Others aren't, and he'll give them space about it. ]

[paenitete]

[ he hates her... ]

I wasn't really all there when I came to, but I remember seeing something. It reminded me a lot of that little ghost creature I was telling you about, but it was much, much bigger.

Was that you?

[selfconcept]

[ looks at all the other negative modifier people

ok ]

"The little ghost thing was probably my soul in a physical form."

[ So his soul wanted food. ]

"My monster form is a lot thicker with shadows and wisps. It was me. It's still me. You said that you'd be keeping an eye on me in case if things got out of control... here we are."

[paenitete]

[ she pauses. her hand slackens. then it tightens.

there's a flicker of an image. fuckin six inch hien (WHY) in a glass museum case. fiammetta's palm slamming down on a digital display. the light above the case flickering off. hien disappearing. ]

I wasn't... I couldn't do anything. You know I would have if I could.

[selfconcept]

"I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying that it happened."

[ That he spun out of control and attacked people. Killed someone, even.

But that image makes him pause. ]

"... Why was I in a display case? I'm not very interesting to look at."

1/2

[paenitete]

[ ...

that puts a little record scratch into her very complicated, very messy feelings in this moment.

he will clearly hear, That's not true. ]

2/2

[paenitete]

[ then the rest of the memory shows up:

Nothing seems to happen for a moment, but the TV screen over the statue's head soon flickers to life. It shows Hien (normal sized and not 6 inches tall) shoving someone just out of frame to safety on the banks of the Akheron, which has become one long raging riptide. He's swept away by the cold rush of the river, and the surround-sound system catches a soft sigh from him despite how loud the roar of white-churning water is. He sinks below the black surface, and he's gone for several achingly long moments...

But suddenly, it's as though the river itself spits him back out, a sudden surge of water pushing him from its depths and to the shore, where he coughs and hacks and then rolls onto his back looking like he wants to take a damn nap.

fia remembers it all. in this memory, it feels like an eternity of watching. in real life, it's only a few seconds.

she's quiet. ]

[selfconcept]

[ "Why am I in these all the time... what the fuck..."

... ]

"Maybe the river thought I tasted bad."

1/2

[paenitete]

[ she lets go of his shoulder and presses her hand to her forehead. ]

I can't believe you're joking right now.

[ You were just there anyway. I saw you swimming. ]

2/2

[paenitete]

[ she lowers her hand and searches those checkerboard eyes. ]

Hien... what happened to you?

[selfconcept]

"... I wasn't joking though?"

[ ??? Hien just looks at Fia, confused, but it dies down when she asks him that question. ]

"I lost my sense of self--my memories and experiences... I became nothing. And... being who I was, as a concept of the self, it didn't end well. It was like having my existence denied in a slow and painful death."

[paenitete]

I meant about the river spitting you out because of your taste.

[selfconcept]

[ Hien conveniently forgets not everything is sentient. ]

"... Right."

[paenitete]

[ OKAY.... this is very granola of him

she lowers her head and slowly, warily processes what she hears. ]

You are self... So without any "self" to cling onto, you consume other things? ...To give you meaning?

[selfconcept]

"No--"

[ ...

A look of realization crosses Hien's face. ]

"Actually... yeah...? That might be it."

[paenitete]

[ ...? ]

You didn't consider it?

[selfconcept]

"... No. Stuff like this happened before, but not so often to the point that I've analyzed it."

[ Sometimes it takes you several human generations to learn something simple and wonder if this was why you were so stupid in your past life. But the thing about Hien is that he has always had time. ]

1/2

[paenitete]

[ she actually did not expect to help with this. for a second, she's not sure how to respond. ]

Well... Not that I'm some kind of philosophy expert, but it makes sense to me. I'm not sure how much it helps.

[ I hope it does. ]

2/2

[paenitete]

But what exactly happened to make you into that?

[ And how do we stop it from ever happening again? Can we do that? ]

[selfconcept]

[ Hien hopes it'll work out too. ]

"I felt like my experiences were being erased... and eventually became nothing."

[paenitete]

Do you know how?

[ ...

This is important, but... ]

We don't have to talk about this right now, if you don't want to.

[selfconcept]

"There was a book that was supposed to have records of my memories and experiences... basically, everything that I am, in that book. But it was empty. And for some reason, I was extremely convinced. I was also being written out of a picture book that depicted the situation at the time."

[ He doesn't mind talking about it, since he's largely calmed down now. ]