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[ So nice of him... I'm sorry that Hien is probably going to have to wait quite a bit until his symptoms die down, at least enough that Tokinaga can more or less function.

It's not subtle anyway in the slightest. It's whenever the physical pain and the other sensations underneath it subside, and so do the stuffy sound of sobs. ]

...Hien...?

[ He doesn't really come out, he's talking through the door. ]

[ At the call of his name, he immediately bolts to the bathroom, but stops in front of the closed door. ]

"Hey, I'm still here. Are you feeling better? Do you need any help?"

No. It's okay.

[ By the sound of it, he's sat on the ground with his back to the door. ]

...Sorry.

"What are you sorry for... that was a perfectly normal response."

[ Hien sighs. He gets the feeling that the back is against the door, so he doesn't try opening it. ]

No it's not.

...It's the entire point of why I asked you to look.

[ Added on as though to soften his own refute. ]

"Throwing up after being subjected to that? I'd say that's pretty normal."

[ He didn't feel like he got the direct answer he wanted from peeking in there, so he'll just ask Tokinaga himself. ]

"... Do you think it came from yourself or because you were affected by that IPO?"

[ All he knows is that gods are connected to IPOs, and that's how it was referred to so maybe. This was an IPO. Jesus christ. ]

...The IPO. My body was changed by it.

[ The 'bug' in question that was introduced to his system... ]

[ Okay.

Now he's annoyed. Not at Tokinaga but this IPO. ]

"Do you have something like a mind guardian in there too? Something with talons and feathers..."

You could see it?

"Yeah. It kicked me out."

...!...

[ The bastard -- ]

[ Hien asked a question. He almost answers different, but then he remembers -- Obikawa is here. ]

...It's just a strange demon I sometimes see in my dreams. I'm surprised it showed up for some reason.

Edited 2025-12-11 18:31 (UTC)

"Is that literally your sleep paralysis demon?"

[ Okay, but seriously though... ]

"Anyway... I'm thinking about it. I can try changing what preferences your body has. I'm just not sure of the success rate because of that thing in your mind and... whether you want it or not."

[ His body has been tampered once. Does he want more tampering to "fix" it? ]

Maybe. A sleep paralysis demon that sits on my legs and makes them feel numb by the morning.

[ He says it like it's a joke of sorts... ]

...

[ It probably can't be permanent, but. ]

Can you... fix it for while I'm still here, at least? In Purgatory?

[ Considering it was by his feet... he can't even continue the joke. ]

"My intentions are making the change permanent. Are you okay with that? You should also tell me what kind of things you want me to change it to if you have any preferences."

[ he briefly considers making tokinaga demisexual ]

[ Help not the Rihanna sprinkle of demisexuality. ]

...Even if I... the person, wanted love, my body doesn't. And even though I... hate the thought of suffering and pain, so much -- that every other night I think about pointless things, like if I couldn't take all the suffering in the world and just die with it all, except, the thought of it --

[ Nausea, disgust. A full-body shiver and a sharp grasp of his own arms as if to stop the crawling sensation. ]

I just want it to stop. At least the... physical response. [ The worst part of it that keeps him shut in all week, this week in particular. ] I want that "bug" gone. If the panic attacks can be gone too, then that'd... be great.

"Any specific exceptions and clauses you want to make before I do it?"

[ He's not trying to deter it, but he doesn't want this to be like "you wished for it but none of it turned out what you expected it to be". ]

...I don't want to become a different person.

I just want this thing to stop.

"... Yeah, I don't want you to either."

[ Hien quietly breathes in and out. ]

"Alright. Whenever you're ready, you can come on out."

[ There's a bit of quiet but then a shuffle, before he opens the door. He really does just vaguely invoke the image of a kid who's just finished crying except it's a grown-ass man. So much misery aura. This is why the comfy clothes were a must.

He'll come out and sit back on the bed. ]

[ Tokinaga looks so miserable... He gently holds his hand at first and briefly squeezes it, trying to be reassuring. He'd hug him but he's not sure if it's too much... ]

"You can tell me to stop anytime, okay?"

[ And he'll abide by Tokinaga's wishes. He's a little more prepared this time, since he's aware that there's a possible obstacle. He waits for Tokinaga's response. ]

[ He just gives a simple nod of having understood the terms and conditions type guy. ]

[ help me but thats exactly what it is so here we goooo

Again, Hien doesn't need to initiate physical contact, but it's to show Tokinaga that it's in process, so he reaches over to gently put his hand on his head this time since he's sitting.

Desire. Hien is going to "fix" this. What he's essentially doing is that he will delete the link between his unfortunate arousal and the trigger that causes it. He's also gonna try looking for the source of it after that. Hien wants to be thorough about this and not let it come back. He will eat you, IPO. Bring it. ]

[ Once again, it feels like Hien gets hurtled through the depths of water, faster now that he has a specific point. The calendar pages fly by and this time, Hien has a specific date.

October 7th, 2020. And this time, he gets a much clearer view of what happened that day -- wandering in the forbidden zone, the surrounding buildings suddenly disappear into nothing but pinkish fog. It seizes and paralyses his entire body, entire body going numb, a sensation rather similar to what Tokinaga was feeling earlier in the midst of his panic attack. There's a clear thought in his mind.

I'm going to die.

And then the sight of it comes clearer than before, and it's beautiful. Every other thought is stripped away in the presence of it -- all of his fear, suffering, anxiety, pain, despair stripped away from him like bark, to replace every raw expanse left behind with that singular thought. Every neuron in his brain fires off in desperation, overloads, and --

Cuts out. He'd died that day. ]

[ OOOHHHHHH fuckin boy he wishes he had memory powers right now but he does NOT and he wishes to just delete the existence of this thing forever from Tokinaga's mind. All he can do for now is suppress this... image, from Tokinaga's mind. Band-aid solutions. Okay. He'll do that. He'll also delete panic attack reactions. His head hurts, bro. This is some kaleidoscope shit.

Wait.

Tokinaga died.

...

This isn't exactly new, to see a supposed dead person wander around being alive, but this is so specifically unique that he feels a little uneasy about it.

Anyway, he did what had to be done. Little birdie, if you come to reform these connections again, meet Hien behind Bostcos so that he can personally beat you up. Thanks.

He's done and lets out a deep breath that he didn't realize he was holding. ]

"... How are you feeling?"

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