hien callias, world eater (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
selfconcept) wrote2025-11-13 07:51 pm
selfconcept) wrote2025-11-13 07:51 pm
purgastory >> inbox
HELLO
"..."
GOODBYE
TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION
"..."
GOODBYE
TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION
"I will. Thanks."
[ that survey meme about "i will protect and love and cherish it, i will tell all my neighbors about it, etc" is very hien right now ]
"Hey, Lucien... Do you regret your choices?"
[ that survey meme about "i will protect and love and cherish it, i will tell all my neighbors about it, etc" is very hien right now ]
"Hey, Lucien... Do you regret your choices?"
"You wanted to know where I was for a reason, didn't you?"
[ circles back around to the question ]
"So spill."
[ circles back around to the question ]
"So spill."
"No--"
[ ...
A look of realization crosses Hien's face. ]
"Actually... yeah...? That might be it."
[ ...
A look of realization crosses Hien's face. ]
"Actually... yeah...? That might be it."
"Because... the monster is also me. I can't separate myself from it."
[ So what Edamura said to Elysium back there--he was right. ]
[ So what Edamura said to Elysium back there--he was right. ]
[ Hien just stares at Lucien like "do you really need clarification for this because you have that much you regret???"
But he'll simply answer: ]
"In our... expedition, of some sort."
But he'll simply answer: ]
"In our... expedition, of some sort."
"What do you mean by 'this'?"
[ He's going to keep pointing it out. Stop dancing in circles!! ]
"I already sparred with Thorns, so I'm good for now."
[ He's going to keep pointing it out. Stop dancing in circles!! ]
"I already sparred with Thorns, so I'm good for now."
[ Hien doesn't really want to explain his own thought process regarding doubles, because that's basically his entire life. ]
"I killed many people in the place I went to... they shared the same faces as the ones here."
[ He looks at Yosuke. ]
"I don't remember seeing you there though, so I'm glad. There was also this really weird blond guy that was being a creeper."
"I killed many people in the place I went to... they shared the same faces as the ones here."
[ He looks at Yosuke. ]
"I don't remember seeing you there though, so I'm glad. There was also this really weird blond guy that was being a creeper."
[glances away because he can't say the things they were talking about earlier made lucien think about Other Things, that hien should probably never know for his own peace of mind, in which case there is a mixed bag of things he regrets and things he doesn't.]
Well... looking back, given that I was contaminated quite possibly as soon as we stepped foot on that island, there were certainly moments where I know now that my judgment had been altered.
[like, good thing sylus and hien didn't listen to him when he wanted to watch the fireworks to the end. damb.]
But I don't regret that we went back to try and save Rafayel, even if it didn't work out that way.
Well... looking back, given that I was contaminated quite possibly as soon as we stepped foot on that island, there were certainly moments where I know now that my judgment had been altered.
[like, good thing sylus and hien didn't listen to him when he wanted to watch the fireworks to the end. damb.]
But I don't regret that we went back to try and save Rafayel, even if it didn't work out that way.
[...
He's silent for a moment at that, expression complicated.
I don't feel particularly brave...
Two people died today, and even if they came back, it still happened. There was still absolutely nothing he could do about it. He couldn't even jump in there like Yosuke and the others did to try to help.]
... Well! We... have to keep moving forward, after all. There isn't anything for it but to keep putting our best foot forward, step by step.
He's silent for a moment at that, expression complicated.
I don't feel particularly brave...
Two people died today, and even if they came back, it still happened. There was still absolutely nothing he could do about it. He couldn't even jump in there like Yosuke and the others did to try to help.]
... Well! We... have to keep moving forward, after all. There isn't anything for it but to keep putting our best foot forward, step by step.
"Mm. Life just happens and sometimes, we're given the bad draw."
[ He's not too hung up about that. ]
"For some reason, I kept thinking about praying. I didn't even know who to pray to. Myself? That just sounds like some ego balloon waiting to be popped."
[ He's not too hung up about that. ]
"For some reason, I kept thinking about praying. I didn't even know who to pray to. Myself? That just sounds like some ego balloon waiting to be popped."
Edited 2025-12-21 03:59 (UTC)
While that's true, I hope you can give yourself some time to process through your thoughts and feelings.
[ Hien isn't particularly bothered about dying, but he knows other people are, so he'll just keep quiet about it. ]
[ Hien isn't particularly bothered about dying, but he knows other people are, so he'll just keep quiet about it. ]
I see. So I suppose we were all afflicted with strange impulses—I recall that I wanted to stay for the festivities, even though I think under normal circumstances, I would've declined, and I was obsessed with the fireworks for a while. And then I felt as though I should give Rafayel the coin I found, even though I had no idea what it was...
[...]
Did you have any... additional memories of the life you had in that expedition?
[...]
Did you have any... additional memories of the life you had in that expedition?
[he wishes he weren't. he hadn't even meant it in this sense. he just. . . didn't want to look away from the pieces of Hien that were monstrous. he wanted to see him in his entirety. the good, the bad, and the extremely ugly]
[Can you tame it? is what he thinks next, before realizing that is a stupid question. of course Hien has tried taming it. Hien has been alive for god knows how long. if he is seeking oblivion in an attempt to rid the universe of the World Eater for good, then he truly has tried. . . everything]
[and what can Edamura, a mere human who can barely comprehend the life Hien has lived, say about that?]
[. . .]
[nothing, really. and that's the worst feeling of all, isn't it? the helplessness of being able to do nothing]
[there are no more words. Edamura releases Hien's hand, though he doesn't go far. seconds later, he slides his arms around his companion's shoulders, pulling him in for a tight embrace, face buried into the slope of Hien's shoulders]
[Can you tame it? is what he thinks next, before realizing that is a stupid question. of course Hien has tried taming it. Hien has been alive for god knows how long. if he is seeking oblivion in an attempt to rid the universe of the World Eater for good, then he truly has tried. . . everything]
[and what can Edamura, a mere human who can barely comprehend the life Hien has lived, say about that?]
[. . .]
[nothing, really. and that's the worst feeling of all, isn't it? the helplessness of being able to do nothing]
[there are no more words. Edamura releases Hien's hand, though he doesn't go far. seconds later, he slides his arms around his companion's shoulders, pulling him in for a tight embrace, face buried into the slope of Hien's shoulders]
[ Oh.
It's Edamura who initiates the hug this time, and Hien is a little surprised. Despite that, he returns the hug and gently rubs his back in an attempt to comfort him. People are always more concerned about Hien's circumstances that he is, and he thinks it's tiring and a pain to deal with.
He knows how to love himself and believes that he has a decent modicum of self-esteem, but sometimes you're loved and can't possibly fathom why someone would like him even after telling them most of the things about him.
In the entirety of his existence, Hien realizes that Edamura has been the first one to accept all of him and show it in a way that Hien understands.
Because of that, he also buries his face into Edamura's shoulder. It's a little wet. ]
It's Edamura who initiates the hug this time, and Hien is a little surprised. Despite that, he returns the hug and gently rubs his back in an attempt to comfort him. People are always more concerned about Hien's circumstances that he is, and he thinks it's tiring and a pain to deal with.
He knows how to love himself and believes that he has a decent modicum of self-esteem, but sometimes you're loved and can't possibly fathom why someone would like him even after telling them most of the things about him.
In the entirety of his existence, Hien realizes that Edamura has been the first one to accept all of him and show it in a way that Hien understands.
Because of that, he also buries his face into Edamura's shoulder. It's a little wet. ]
[ horseman.jpg
They were truly going through it. ]
"What do you mean...?"
They were truly going through it. ]
"What do you mean...?"
[ tapping the pen on the page for a moment... ]
There's a lot I want to address.
What weird blond guy? Being a creeper in what way?
What actually happened to get to that point?
[ he just doesn't think hien would randomly start murdering everybody. ]
There's a lot I want to address.
What weird blond guy? Being a creeper in what way?
What actually happened to get to that point?
[ he just doesn't think hien would randomly start murdering everybody. ]
[ They sure are... Hien tries to swipe the book out of Elysium's hand. ]
"... I just don't see the point of you asking me where I am like you want to talk to me about something and then... not talking about it."
[ just throws the fuckin book over his own shoulder. goodbye book. ]
[ just throws the fuckin book over his own shoulder. goodbye book. ]
... You're actually one of the people I'm worried about the most.
[ unfortunately, ]
[ unfortunately, ]
Page 35 of 53