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[selfconcept]

HELLO

"..."

GOODBYE

TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION

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[transmit]

[ Endurance is rewarded. Don't give up. It wasn't so bad the first time, so what makes him believe the second will be any different? Hasn't that always been the theme of Purgatory? To accept things as they come, and in doing so, take a step forward?

For as long as Hien is alive, for as long as Hien is present, the lake will continue to blanket him in gentle dreams. That's what he deserves after being so hurt by the world. Wouldn't it be just so, so cruel otherwise?

The way Hien is yanked in again is less gentle this time, but don't worry, that's just the transition period. He's twisted and bent out of sorts, but it only lasts a few seconds before he's greeted by a clear blue sky, warm sun, and the chirping of birds.

There's the sound of a doorbell, and once again he's submerged in this new world. Built from the ground up this time, made to be perfect. This time, there shouldn't be any complaints.

"¡Hola! I just moved in next door, hehe." A shy boy, no more than four. Behind him stands faceless parents, but it isn't about them, is it? They gently nudge him forward. "I'm ■■■■■! It's nice to meet you! What's your name?"

Hien's hands are so very tiny, much tinier than he used to. But so is this boy's in front of him, shorter even, those soft brown feathers against stark white, black, and red something he's definitely seen somewhere before.

See? Just as gentle as it'd started. If only he'd trusted the process. ]

[selfconcept]

[ Hien is bleeding out of his mouth and would like to tell the meta to eat shit, but all he can do is gurgle in response. He's not healing from that anytime soon. But this? As children?

"Hien. It's nice to meet you too."

Behind Hien is a single parent, also faceless. Whoever it is... surely isn't important. They are not the stars of the show. It's Hien, as a child. Not as Hyunjung. Hien—just Hien.

Meanwhile, the original scowls. He can tell. The parent is probably his mentor and that child self there probably had a much better childhood than he himself did.

Another gurgle to censor out curses, and he lets the blood drip onto the ground. ]

[transmit]

[ THE META HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG.

■■■■■ seems to fidget anxiously for a moment, until finally, he literally puffs himself up with courage and takes Hien's hand in both of his.

"Hien! Will you be my first friend?"

And just like that, their journey begins—one that starts with them, and only them. There is no need for other people.

Don't die before you get to see the completion of this pure and wholesome childhood friends AU… that's mean. ]

[selfconcept]

[ Hien just wonders how will it hurt this time. He already had childhood friends. Is it going to ruin that too? He wonders if he should bite the rest of his tongue off.

"Mm. I will."

No hesitation from this boy. He must have grown up well despite being very young. Perhaps being expressionless is a problem he inherited from birth, but he cracks a small smile at ■■■■■.

Ugh.

He keeps dripping and barely recalls that this is how he died last time. ]

[transmit]

[ If he didn't bite his tongue to begin with he would not be hurting… fool.

There is no Elysium in this world. Just ■■■■■, who follows Hien around like a little duckling, hanging off his every word and holds onto his hand more often than not. There is a boy in his class who looks over to him every so often, but ■■■■■ doesn't know him. All ■■■■■ knows is the first and only friend he's made since moving to this city, who has treated him with nothing but kindness and friendship both.

It's a gentle upbringing. Where Hien might've spent nights alone, ■■■■■ tugs him through the doors of his home where whatever they please is under their fingertips.

He learns how to make flower rings and flower crowns and picks up on the recycled bottles on the floor. What a conscientious child, everyone says. But they don't know the truth of it—every bottle is a nickel saved, a nickel towards a very big secret. As this goes on, they grow and grow.

Until one day—

"Happy birthday—!"

Those nickels turn into a seal. A truly big one that just holding it around his arms causes him to go off-kilter just moving around, losing his balance and causing to trip onto Hien.

But—for whatever reason, he doesn't get up. Hien starts to feel something wet on his shoulder.

"I don't want you to hurt anymore. What can I do to make it stop?"

The innocent words of a now five-year-old child.

:) ]

[selfconcept]

[ He is

hurting

Hien catches ■■■■■, almost tumbling back but barely manages to balance himself. His best friend who cares about him so much, who he treated with such a grand friendship as they grew closer and closer—

"I'm not hurting." He says easily, but... "You worked really hard to get this for me, didn't you? Thanks, ■■■■■. It means a lot to me."

He gently rubs his back to try and comfort him.

... ]

[transmit]

[

"It's my fault, isn't it? I'm not enough. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

…

"You can tell me the truth. I've been nothing but annoying, haven't I? You don't want me around anymore, do you? All I've done… is make you hurt. Even though I only wanted to make you as happy as you made me."

This five-year-old child——



——sees past "Hien". ]

[selfconcept]

[ Hien is quiet, but he wants to scream. He wants to scream and maybe that would do something. But screaming at a child won't do anything. He's not

He is not

screaming at a child

he will

not





Please,

   stop. ]

cw: implied suicide

[transmit]

[ There's only so much a dream can sustain so long as both actors play their part. And so…

"You're always protecting me, even though I don't deserve it. So… this time, it's my turn to protect you."

His tiny hand gives Hien a soft pat, pat, pat. On his head, while on his tippytoes, then his shoulder, just to be thorough. Finally, he takes both of Hien's hands in his, lifting them to his mouth to press a small kiss against them. He smiles, even as tears gather at his waterline.

"It'll be okay. You don't have to worry anymore."

And—




That is how the world eventually falls apart.

With the news of a beloved boy's passing. With another standing before an open door, hands curled into tight fists. ■■■■■ wonders who he is. Why does he look so sad? No matter—how kind, to the very end. Hien never had to make the tough decision.

All the chances Hien was given, and he never took a single one of them.

What, were the rules only meant for Hien? You have a river to get to, boy. ]

cw: suicide, gore, vore

[selfconcept]

[ Ah

That

He

He can't

Hien completely breaks down. He can't handle this anymore. He can't take it. His already broken heart with its brittle pieces on the ground is now smashed into fine powder. It hurts. It hurts so much. It's fake, but it gets to Hien to the core of his existence. He may have lived his life being tortured both physically and mentally, but this is one of the moments it's gotten so much reaction. And it's not even meant to be torture.

The option to consume is there. It's as if it was waiting the entire time. This is his fault. It's his fault. He did this. The tears don't stop.

His right arm turns into the same substance as the monster form he sometimes takes—smoky, shadow-like, wispy.

It's surprising as to how fragile the mind can be. Despite everything, Hien Callias likes living. He would love to live forever without his ever looming future dampening on things. There are ups and downs in life. No matter how steep the dip is, he would always eventually be okay. He would get back up. Of the many times that Hien has died, suicide was very few. Even then, they weren't emotionally charged. They were simply a practical means to him in order to escape a situation.

But this?

This?

The right arm devours the owner without hesitation. He eats himself. The neck gets brutally torn first, then the head is viciously chewed upon and swallowed. The rest of the body is scarfed down as if the creature had been starved for eons.

Hien Callias is dead.

He wants to stay dead. ]