He lets him in, then -- starting from the superficial layers of what they talked about. Hien sees flashes, images -- colours that reflect themselves on the gaudy hotel-room walls. A young Sachiyuki running through fall leaves with a dog almost the same size as him, whose image remains his profile picture on his social media to this day. The same boy in the back-seat of a car, sandwiched between two girls, voice at a pitch as he asks his mother in the passenger's seat to repeat the question while his father drives them to the park. Just barely older, sitting in the back of a classroom, hand on his cheek and peering curiously at all his classmates before him.
They grow up. Tanutanu isn't nearly the same size as him anymore, maybe around half. He meets his older sister's boyfriend, and he thinks that's a pretty nice fellow. All his classmates ever want to talk about is who's dating who, and they ask him his theories. He's a little confounded by the game, but he plays along, because it's just a question of who likes people better than others, right? His mother and father ask him too, if there's anybody he thinks is particularly cute. Maybe he should start thinking about this.
Tanutanu doesn't run as much as he used to, but it's okay when he can rest his head on Sachiyuki's lap. His older sister's wedding was yesterday, and he'd never felt so much joy in the air, it was electrifying. He doesn't think his sister's ever shined brighter, and he watched his mother cry tears of pride and joy. Love is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Maybe he should think about getting a girlfriend and about marriage too, if only so that he can also feel and share this joy with everyone around him.
Apparently, people physically feel something when they're in love. Not just that stirring of the heart, butterflies in their stomach -- but somewhere deeper below that, a heat of want and desire, to love through the body. He'd realised that he didn't quite understand that when he was young, but it wasn't a big deal. And then, much later, he realised it wasn't just that he didn't get it, it was just that he didn't have it at all. He tried to imagine it but he couldn't picture it, that unique 'love' that everybody talked about that was different in some way from the way he loved his dog, loved his friends, loved his family. Was that physical desire the only difference...?
The colour of the world distorts. The soft hues begin to dim and grey out like a cloudy day. Sachiyuki's grown up to Tokinaga, and he continues on with his life. He'd come to the realisation, at some point, that if he wanted that precious love and union that so many others around him had, then it couldn't come without sacrifice of either himself or the other person. It's a horribly sad thought, he thinks, a distancing and lonely feeling the longer he lingers on it so he tries not to. He tries not to...
no subject
[ He hopes Hien is telling the truth.
He lets him in, then -- starting from the superficial layers of what they talked about. Hien sees flashes, images -- colours that reflect themselves on the gaudy hotel-room walls. A young Sachiyuki running through fall leaves with a dog almost the same size as him, whose image remains his profile picture on his social media to this day. The same boy in the back-seat of a car, sandwiched between two girls, voice at a pitch as he asks his mother in the passenger's seat to repeat the question while his father drives them to the park. Just barely older, sitting in the back of a classroom, hand on his cheek and peering curiously at all his classmates before him.
They grow up. Tanutanu isn't nearly the same size as him anymore, maybe around half. He meets his older sister's boyfriend, and he thinks that's a pretty nice fellow. All his classmates ever want to talk about is who's dating who, and they ask him his theories. He's a little confounded by the game, but he plays along, because it's just a question of who likes people better than others, right? His mother and father ask him too, if there's anybody he thinks is particularly cute. Maybe he should start thinking about this.
Tanutanu doesn't run as much as he used to, but it's okay when he can rest his head on Sachiyuki's lap. His older sister's wedding was yesterday, and he'd never felt so much joy in the air, it was electrifying. He doesn't think his sister's ever shined brighter, and he watched his mother cry tears of pride and joy. Love is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Maybe he should think about getting a girlfriend and about marriage too, if only so that he can also feel and share this joy with everyone around him.
Apparently, people physically feel something when they're in love. Not just that stirring of the heart, butterflies in their stomach -- but somewhere deeper below that, a heat of want and desire, to love through the body. He'd realised that he didn't quite understand that when he was young, but it wasn't a big deal. And then, much later, he realised it wasn't just that he didn't get it, it was just that he didn't have it at all. He tried to imagine it but he couldn't picture it, that unique 'love' that everybody talked about that was different in some way from the way he loved his dog, loved his friends, loved his family. Was that physical desire the only difference...?
The colour of the world distorts. The soft hues begin to dim and grey out like a cloudy day. Sachiyuki's grown up to Tokinaga, and he continues on with his life. He'd come to the realisation, at some point, that if he wanted that precious love and union that so many others around him had, then it couldn't come without sacrifice of either himself or the other person. It's a horribly sad thought, he thinks, a distancing and lonely feeling the longer he lingers on it so he tries not to. He tries not to...
Does Hien want to delve deeper? ]